The ‘Having It All’ Myth Is Destroying Women

The ‘having it all’ myth is bullshit. You know the version I’m talking about — the woman who crushes her career, raises perfect kids, maintains a spotless home, nurtures her marriage, stays in shape, has a flawless skincare routine and somehow still has energy left for hobbies and friendships. She doesn’t exist. She never did. And the sooner we stop trying to become her, the sooner we can start building lives that actually work.

The Lie We’re Sold

Somewhere along the way, we bought into this glossy magazine version of womanhood. Social media has turned this fantasy into a daily assault. We scroll past perfectly curated feeds where exhaustion looks aspirational and burnout is rebranded as “girl boss energy.” The woman who posts about her 5 AM workout, followed by a gourmet breakfast she made for her family, followed by her side hustle launch — she’s not inspiring us. She’s slowly killing us with comparison.

But here’s what nobody talks about: this myth isn’t just unrealistic. It’s serving a purpose that has nothing to do with our wellbeing.

When women are too exhausted to think straight, we don’t negotiate salaries. We don’t question why we’re managing 70% of household logistics while working full-time. We don’t have the energy to demand systemic change because we’re too busy trying to prove we can handle everything.

The Productivity Industry’s Blind Spot

Here’s something I can’t unsee: flip through any productivity bestseller list and it’s a parade of male authors — Tim Ferriss, James Clear, David Allen, Cal Newport.

According to Goodreads, 62.5% of productivity book readers are women.

Think about that: women are the majority consumers of advice written almost exclusively by men who developed their systems under very different life circumstances.

These are useful concepts, but they’re built for lives with minimal interruptions and maximum environmental control. Cal Newport’s “deep work” assumes uninterrupted focus blocks. Tim Ferriss’s automation strategies work when you control your schedule. These frameworks don’t account for the woman whose focused time gets blown up by a kid who can’t find their soccer cleats AND a husband asking “Where’s my blue shirt?” for the third time this week.

It’s not just the kids sabotaging your flow — it’s also the very capable adults who somehow forget where they put their phone, their keys, their basic life skills the moment you sit down to work.

Women desperately need time management solutions. But the industry keeps platforming systems designed for lives that most working mothers simply don’t have.

The Psychology Behind Why We Keep Believing

The human brain wasn’t designed to believe in impossible things. So why do millions of women wake up every day trying to achieve the impossible?

Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug. We know, logically, that there aren’t enough hours in the day to excel at everything. But admitting the illusion is bullshit means admitting we’ve been torturing ourselves for a lie. It’s easier to assume we’re just not disciplined enough, not organized enough, not enough period.

The comparison trap is real. Our brains are evolutionarily wired to compare ourselves to others for survival. Social media has weaponized this ancient programming. We see other women’s highlight reels and assume they’ve cracked some code we’re missing. We don’t see the nanny, the meal delivery service, the family money, or the complete mental breakdown happening behind the perfectly staged photo.

When the myth becomes your identity. The scariest part isn’t trying to have it all — it’s what happens when “having it all” becomes who you are instead of what you do. When your sense of worth is tied to being superhuman, choosing to be merely human feels like failure.

The Real Cost Nobody Talks About

The statistics on working mothers are brutal. We’re twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression compared to working fathers. We’re more likely to develop autoimmune disorders, sleep disorders, and stress-related illnesses. But we’ve normalized this suffering as the price of ambition.

The relationships take a hit too. Friendships become casualties when you’re too drained to show up consistently. Marriages strain under the weight of trying to be everything to everyone. That’s what chronic depletion does — it steals your presence even when you want to give it.

And our kids? They’re watching us model a relationship with work and life that they’ll likely inherit. Children of working mothers are more likely to be employed and hold leadership roles later in life. That’s incredible. But they’re also more likely to report feeling guilty about their career ambitions and struggling with work-life balance.

What the Research Actually Shows

Multitasking — the holy grail of “having it all” — is scientifically proven to be less effective than focusing on one thing at a time. Stanford research shows that people who multitask are less productive, more prone to errors, and have difficulty filtering out irrelevant information.

Women carry what researchers call the “cognitive burden” of household management — remembering what needs to be done, planning, organizing, delegating. Even when partners help with tasks, women are typically managing the entire system. This invisible labor is exhausting and largely unrecognized.

Studies consistently show that working mothers experience classic “role overload” — when the demands of multiple roles exceed available time and energy. The solution isn’t better time management apps or morning routines. It’s fewer roles.

The New Narrative We Need

Moving forward, let’s all stop believing the lie that we’re failing when the system is rigged. And teach that to the future generation, our daughters.

This rebellion starts with us, wherever we are. This isn’t about privilege or resources or perfect circumstances. Whether you’re a single mom working three jobs or a CEO with a nanny — the lie affects us all the same way. The belief that we’re not enough, that we’re failing at an impossible task, that other women have cracked some code we’re missing.

Stopping belief costs nothing. It requires no perfect morning routine, no life coach, no organizational system. It’s the one rebellion available to every woman, everywhere.

The fantasy? It’s time to let it die. And we’re the ones who get to kill it.